Another one of those nights where I can’t get past the overwhelming feeling that I’m always going to be alone. I’ve been alone all my life. The past two weeks, since I quit my job, have been even lonelier still. I can’t expect things to be any different in Texas. But hopefully there I’ll be somewhere that I can accomplish something meaningful, worthwhile. Tonight I went to see a my friend’s band play a free show. He’s the only person I talked to other than some drunk guy asking for change (he also talked about not getting laid in four years, wishing he could sniff a girl’s asshole again, and getting slapped earlier for asking to lick a girl’s asshole for her, but that’s neither here nor there). I thanked my friend for being nice to me and helping me out in college. I told him I hoped his band would be successful and make it to Austin. They’re actually really fucking good. Yesterday the only people I talked to were the people who took my orders at Subway and the coffee shop. The days before that, probably just my family and a few phone calls from friends. If I tried to think and remember all the wordless, lonesome days over the years, I’d drive myself crazy. I’m sure there are more to come.
One of my favorite quote of Malcolm in the middle.
gnawing feeling that i haven’t achieved enough, i haven’t accomplished enough, i haven’t grown and learnt enough, have so much to do and i’m falling behind, in what was once a promising, turned mediocre, then eventually inadequate life. i want to hustle but i don’t know where to start.
|—||Alexander Pushkin (via ohaieris)|
|—||Don Delillo, The Names (via charlieambler)|